Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us, and I’m still single. Luckily I work best under a deadline…
Recreating 50 Shades of Grey can be problematic. Sketch starring myself & the wonderful Paul Raymond. Written by the talented In Cahoots.
“I wish I didn’t care / About the length of my pubic hair”
Women, you will sympathise… Men you will understand…
The problem with being an actor / comedian / writer is when you finish a job you have to wait for the next one to trot along. And while you wait your bank balance dwindles into nothing unless you get a temporary job in the meantime. I have had many jobs; I have worked at a gym (I loathe gyms) I have been a door button pusher (really), a waitress (I dropped so many plates I used to hide them under the chairs in embarrassment), and I have done lots and lots of reception work.
Tired of sending out the same printed CV where I say awful things like, “I am hardworking and friendly!” I thought why not try something different and send in a VIDEO CV? How jazzy and innovative! I’d be employed in no time!
*Warning: Some people have thought this video is deadly serious. It really isn’t*
When I lived in Hackney our corner shop was run by this sweet Indian couple. Whenever I would buy something I would go to the counter and hand it over and he would go “that is 50 pounds please” and I’d go “50 pounds? for a pack of gum??” and we would both laugh good naturedly. He would do it every time regardless of what little thing I bought, it became our ‘thing’. He had a wife that never spoke, but she would smile benignly at the back.
One day I went up to the counter and he said, “helloo!” and laughed and I said “helloo!” back and laughed too and then I said “can I get some condoms?” And he stopped laughing and stared at me and his wife stopped smiling benignly and also stared at me and she had great sadness in her eyes.
He reached for the condoms and handed them over and said quietly “that’s 4.99 please.” and I went, “what’s that? 50 pounds??” and laughed loudly and he looked at me gravely and went “4.99”
I never went into that shop again.
I don’t know, maybe I’m aiming too high, I just hope there is someone out there who embodies these qualities…